Baby is due this week. I have an induction scheduled for Thursday if he isn’t here before then. He’s definitely getting bigger and bigger…and dropping. And I’m contracting frequently, but not frequently enough for it to be labor. So my body is totally ready for labor, and at this point we’re just waiting for his ideal timing!

This likely is our last weekend as a family with three kids. Kinda surreal. Hard to imagine that soon there will be another voice in the mix. Another kid running around. Someone else dancing, singing, having his own preferences.

Hard to believe that soon — very soon — someone will be in our lives who will hold such a special and priceless place in our heart. And yet someone who we presently don’t know. We don’t know what he’ll look like, what his personality will be, the things he’ll like. But after this week, we won’t be able to imagine life without him.

It’s hard to believe I will love him like I do Button, Siah, and Jofish. That he will make me laugh like they do. That I will have special songs, memories, and a relationship with him that I don’t have with them. But I know it’s true.

In a funny way, I think I have significantly more expectation and excitement about his birth than I have any of the previous ones. Mostly because I have a much better idea of what our future looks like together. Now that I’ve been able to enjoy years of Button, Siah, and Jofish, I have something concrete to give me long-term perspective on what’s about to happen.

What would it be like to hold baby Button, Siah, or Jofish in my arms again? Knowing that the infant days — though long, frustrating, and generally more challenging than rewarding — will pass before I know it and quickly fade into memories lost? What would it be like to take in the fullness of that newborn smell, this time so aware that it’s short-lived? To not be bothered by the cries because I know I’ll do fine parenting them and we’ll all end up loving each other more than we can ever imagine? How exciting! It would be like going on a first date with Niki again, knowing that he not only would become my husband but that we would also have an incredibly fun, adventure-packed life together.

*So* exciting!