So we knew we would adopt one day, but the question was when. I wanted us to adopt after we graduated from law school. But Niki didn’t think that was so wise. He instead believed we should have our biological children first and then when they were a little older, we could adopt a child – or maybe two. For the last 6 years, we’ve been working off that plan.
But on October 20, we went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert and we sensed something spiritually that we hadn’t before. We’ve been to several Steven Curtis Chapman concerts, where he regularly promotes adoption. I always am very moved — I long in my heart for the child I know we will one day adopt. I collect all the literature I can, talk to adoptive parents, and donate money to his adoption organization. Niki thinks I’m cute … and amusing. He laughs and says, “You can’t bring a child home with us tonight!”
So before this concert, he said the same thing: “No adopting any kids tonight, ok? We will one day, but not tonight, ok?” I laughed, “Ok.” We were just going to enjoy ourselves.
But God touched us that night. I felt it — a sense of, “Don’t wait any more.” But I didn’t entertain it. I was not going to push an issue that I know my husband didn’t support. If God wanted us to move on this, he’d have to move Niki first.
After the concert when we were driving home, Niki said he sensed God telling him in the concert that we should begin preparing our hearts to adopt. He said he repeatedly dismissed this notion with the thought, “Yes, we will. After we have our own kids first.” And every time, the Lord came back with, “When you adopt, that child will be your own. There will be no difference.” Niki also said he would not be surprised if we brought home our adopted child around the same time we have our next biological child.
I couldn’t believe it! What I sensed, Niki sensed too! God reached us both that night, and we were to begin preparing our hearts…
That night, and in the days that followed Niki was downright gleeful about adopting. He describes it as he once understood mentally that God loves orphans and that we are to care for them, but now it’s like God has given him His heart for the orphans — Niki is passionate about adopting and about helping orphans in other ways. It’s amazing to see this transformation — literally overnight.
Me, on the other hand, I got scared. I felt safe – and comfortable – when adoption was 15-20 years off. But now? Whoa, that’s a whole different story. It weighed heavily on me. Now? Even though I knew I was supposed to start taking certain steps — like looking into how to even go about adopting — I was procrastinating. I didn’t want to take those steps, because I knew that once I did, I wouldn’t stop.
Niki couldn’t understand why I was anxious. I tried to explain that it was overwhelming to even think of adopting now — the process, the money needed, the potential issues with an adopted child, the unknowns of it all… and on top of it, I knew I was living in disobedience by not taking the baby steps I knew the Lord wanted me to take — and that was really eating me up, too. I also told him that based on our prior experience, when the Lord says, “start preparing your hearts,” that means the step of faith is imminent — not a couple years off. I suspected we’d be adopting sooner rather than later.
Niki responded, “I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like the light changed from red to green; it just changed from red to yellow.”
“EXACTLY!” I said. “The light has changed — It’s not red any more. That means things are moving, and that’s what’s freaking me out!”